Men and Women of Praise

Yesterday, service was absolutely awesome. The praise and Worship was really great. But one thing that really got a tingle down my spine, was during worship. Not because of the worship in front was going on excellently well, but I was also surrounded by the hearts of men and women of great praise.

One really comes to mind is Felicia. When she sings, wahlau, it's as if there's a warmth in your spirit, a tingle down your spine. This Small cute girl who talks sounding abit like a croak. But when she sings, especially sing unto the Lord, there's like a spirit in her voice. A heart of passion, and a spirit of longiness for His Presence. She's one of the few like Pastor Sam Evans, where when they sing, you can tell its as if God's hearing. Like God stops everything in place, and just leans aside to hear he beloved daughter sing. Everytime she sings, you can just close your eyes, and imagine her, sitting alone by her bed-side with her guitar just hymning to God her heart, about how much He loves her, and how much she just loves him. I imagine the Bride of Christ, and Christ, just sitting together.

Men and women of praise carry a very special anointing. Very very special anointing. King David was definitely one. Champions of God are men of worship. Where the storms may arise and darkness covers the earth, they stand up against the greatest adversary and praise God for the confrontations before them. That they are given the opportunity to be more than conquerers, to step before the giant and say "You who defile the Armies of the one and true living God, No More! Not on my watch! I'll take your head Giant!".

I don't study the book of Psalms. I know Felicia loves it, it's like her favorite book, same goes to some others like Bea, and Ai Ling. Maybe I should go through it someday. hehe. Don't know. :P

Actually I'm greatly blessed to have great men and women of worship surrounding me. As My boss Daniel Koh is also a champion of worship!

Hero of the day

Haven't been writing much. But I guess today is something worth writing about.

I've been sick since thursday. Wednesday was Marcus's birthday. We pelted him with water balloons and after that had a very nice lasagna and spaghetti made by Darren, and a super nice chocolate cheesecake by Sarah. Yum.

But on thursday morning, woke up with this super crappy sore-throat, that turned into a raging fever on thursday. Thankfully, I only worked a couple of hours on Thursday as it was training against for Fry's. I took 2 days off from Melbourne Uni. Although Melbourne Uni pays so much better. All for the saturday work. :P But I reckon it'll pay off itself eventually.

Was pretty sick on Thursday, so I sat in for 3.5 hours, and then took a day off on Friday because didn't feel like going, although on Friday my fever was mostly gone, but still had a awful sore-throat and was yaking out phlegm all day.

Haha, the crazy part was I went for Friday's overnight prayer. We prayed from 10pm to 6am. I stayed the entire time. Praying that I don't get sick! But it was awesome. Although I was seeking for a manifested presence of God, but God's presence was still there. Didn't really cried.. or wait... maybe I did. But yeah, we worshiped, we prayed in tongues continually, and just had a great time fellowshipping and praying amongst brothers and sisters of Christ.

The heroes were definitely the people who came to pray. I'm so blown-away by the turnout. Although there was close to 300 people that the room was just bursting at its seams during the first watch, which was 10pm to midnight. But people started leaving soon after. Finally by around 6am, there was still about 150+ people. Which is still very amazing, it's still very encouraging to see so many people turnout for prayer and lasting about 8 hours of prayer!

Haha, We had 3 breaks in between, a break every 2 hours for 20 minutes. So technically prayer and worship was about 7 hours, with 1 hour break. But it's good and necessary. Some of the funniest scenes were girls falling asleep while praying. They get into this praying poster, squatting or kneeling on the ground, with their head down... and zzzzz. Lol.

Yeah, so finally it finished at 6am sharp. Went home, took a shower, I was sweating so much, that my jeans was soaking. I drank up to 3 bottles of water. The room was not well ventilated, we had fans on all the doors, it wasn't super stuffy, but it did get warm at times.

Slept for about 1.5 hours, and now here I am at work in Fry's self storage. It's 10:25am. Praying for time to pass by quickly, so I can go home and continue by good well-earned rest! Oh, I lost my voice! Haha.

The encourager?

This is a funny perspective. I don't know how much truth is there in it, but was just thinking about it in the shower, and was pondering on it, and asking God about it.

But it's also concerning having a girl.

One of the biggest flaws about Nicole, was that she could not be an encourager of my life.

It's a strange notion. I used to think I liked girls who are inquisitive, intelligent and good conversationalist. Although that is absolutely true about Nicole, she even thinks logically, but the greatest flaw about thinking logically is the inability to act which is commonly found in girls. Hehehe.

But aside from that, One great thing I've found out is,

I am a great encourager. It is a gift from God for me to lift people up, and be a great source of encouragement. A lot of people has pointed that out in me. I do believe I have the gift, as described in Romans 12:8 - "If it is encouraging, let him encourage".

But the thing I realised about myself as well, is, that I am able to encourage others, but I too need a lot of encouragement. Finding a girl who is able to lift you up when you are down, to build you up with words of wisdom and words from God is a great gift.

She can make you rise up amongst the ashes of disappointments, be the moonlight that shines a path amidst the pitch black darkness of hopelessness and she'll never ever allows you to wallow in self-pity but stirs you up in you a fiery vengeance to seek God for restoration and gets for you your sling for you to slay the giant who dare taunts the army of the one and only living God.

So far I thank God that I have a lot of great women of encouragement in my life. Namely, my mother and my sister. I wouldn't mind having my own personal encouragement.

Although, one thing I need to keep in mind, is that the greatest Encourager is the Holy Spirit, He is the great comforter that truly is the refreshment to my soul.

That being said, putting all your emotions and sorrow into one, can seriously weigh him or her down, and even the greatest of encourager's can feel down and emotionally driven, hence casting your cares unto Jesus for He cares for you, can never weigh him down.

But nevertheless, getting a woman that encourages you.. is powerful.

The inheritance?

Just a thought when I got home.

I was remembering one of my friend saying that he needs to pay back his parents for his education. To me, was "Really?, Ouch!" Considering that he studied in Australia, that would be a very heavy payload needing to pay back his parents.

I wonder if he was lying or really telling the truth. Now, that friend isn't the most honest, and have been known to tell tall tale stories just to feel comforted and or attention seeking. As he told me that after a moment thought after I was telling him how I was working for my living expense. Plus he hasn't been one who cared about his studies, always playing away and never ever studying, hence he's been failing and repeating exams left right centre. It might just be his mom threatening to study.

Theoretically, if I had to pay my parents back for education fee's, I'll do it in Malaysia. At least I have a better hope, or if not, I'll study 2 years in Australia, attempt to do my craziest and get my PR, and then have a better chance.

Education is a crazy investment to spend on going overseas. Unless you have a goal in life, that you cannot fail. But looking at my friend, either thats the truth or he's been cracking under the pressure, which I doubt it's the case as well.

---

But aside from that, just thinking about the idea, it's quite sad. Needing to pay your parents back for your education. Maybe it's because I've been raised in a great loving family who only wants the best for me. Maybe it's because I'm Christian? I don't know. But to have parents who give to their children sacrificially, I know that I am not just a expensive investment. But I am truly a extremely loved child for them to go all-out.

My parents tried to give me the best, that I know. Although financial concerns got in the way. But nevertheless, for my dad willing to spend his retirement fund on me without too much thinking, it was a great gesture of love.

In a way, I have to say, I haven't been producing the results in proportionate. I think since coming to Australia, I've grown and learned to appreciate their gift. Especially now that I'm working part-time just to survive. I realized that I cannot afford to fail, and it's the best they can give, it's on my part now. It's weird, because I used to think I know this, but I never really knew, just looking back.

I wish sometimes I can relive year 1 uni again. I would have done things a lot differently. I had a lot of wrong concepts on life, and bitterness towards a lot of things. And I would have changed my study ethics a lot differently. Personally looking back, I feel really immature. Thats the strangest part.

---

Maybe I might want to paraphrase myself. In no way I am looking at this from a condemning point of view, but rather from a thoughtful perspective of how I could do better.

Ok, coming back to children's education. I personally don't see your child as an investment. But a continuation of my legacy. I personally believe that my parents with whatever they had, they brought me up with a lot of love and a lot of care. Although now with exposure, I wish they had done better, but it is for me to carry on what I've learned, and expand on it.

It is the inheritance of knowledge. That my dad from Kelantan, looking at his awful childhood, he grew up knewing what he knew. One thing I wish he did was paid more attention to my education though, especially since he was a brilliant student, and I'm not. As teaching your kids to learn is something I would definitely teach my kids.

Although much can be said about the above,

One thing I loved about my parents as there wasn't much illogical pressure. In that they are not reliving their dreams and hopes through us but letting us learn our own paths. Perhaps there could have been some better level of guidance, but I think thats another separate thing to think about.

---

I like the idea of inheritance. We are all spiritual inheritance to those who believe in Christ Jesus. But not to go there too much, inheritance, to receive something that you have not paid for.

I like what Pastor Bill Johnson says "Maturity is expensive, inheritance is free". Where your parents toil just to give us the best, we are to bring it to the next level, from the lessons learned, passed down, to bring the family, to bring the legacy into the next level.

Proverbs 13:22 - A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children's children: and the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just.

There are many stories of generational blessings if we are bothered to study them. Some really amazing stories, like even the Bush family is one of them. From having presidents, to senators, and people of all great walks of life. And the Waltons, Hiltons, and other great families.

Inheritance. Leaving a legacy. To see your actions affecting generations down is quite a scary thought, but at the same time, also a glorious thought.

Maturity

This topic keeps on popping up into my head from time to time. Maybe it's about time I write it down and give it a rest. Hehe. But then again, it is also a fascinating topic of discussion at times.

What is maturity? The dictionary puts it as
# The state or quality of being fully grown or developed.
# The state or quality of being mature.

I guess, the thing that I want to talk about is mostly the mental aspect of it, a matured person, one who is stable in all manners and walk of life. And then it kinda hits me, that I don't think there is such a thing as real maturity. Hehe.

There are full grown men, who act mature, but once they touch their 40's, they suddenly get a mid-life crisis realizing that they are not who they are, and then they go hay-wire. Maturity should be a conviction on the inside, not only simply just acting the way the world tells you to act.

I'm having some kind of issue with maturity. Partly its also because of my co-current study on the issues of the heart that I'm going through with God, to rout out and seek the issues I have in my life. And I sometimes feel like I'm getting accused, that the things that I'm doing is not mature, or nonsense, Imo it's the accuser. :P

I believe real maturity is to look at Christ. The problem is that we assume maturity in the worlds sense, and not God's sense. Jesus although he was fully mentally and spiritually stable, at the same time, he gets moved with compassion, he was a absolutely fun and amazing guy to hang out with. I don't think Jesus was a straight serious 24/7 type of man. He was serious when he needed to be, and joked and enjoy all other times. I mean, who could resist someone turning water into wine? And some of the things he said putting into the right light is hilarious, which I think he meant it that way.

Even Jesus asks us to be like Kids at times. People can argue about what Jesus meant by that, but I think as adults we need to re-learn how to have fun again. Jesus was a man full of joy. I find myself at times deathly sorrowful and melancholic, which to me, i'm finding it quite disconcerting. But yet, this is the way the world portrays as being matured.

----

Sometimes I wonder whether maturity is tied to wisdom. Like I said again Maturity should also be not only on the outside but also on the inside. To be able to deal with problems and issues in life.

Hmmm. Hit a note there which I probably need to think of more now. I wonder whether you can be matured and not wise. :P I don't think so. I think they are together, I think wisdom brings maturity. Maturity means the fullness of a person.

Woo... :D

Miss being a full-time student

You know what, woke up today with a somewhat dreading feeling.

I kinda miss being a full-time student. Yeah. I mean, its great to have a job, at times it is somewhat fulfilling that I am independent, nearly absolutely independent from my parents bar my exam fee's. I can survive on my own, although it is tiring at times, especially the mondays where I used to work 9-5, then class from 5:30-8:30, and even the urban life core meetings till 11pm. They used to be a bit mad.

But come towards the end of the semester right now, I feel as if, I'm dreading it a little. The feeling of needing a holiday or a break after a while. Theoretically, I've been working nearly non-stop since January I reckon. I could use a holiday off work. Right now i'm thinking whether I should take next week off to study for my exams. Hmm.

THe unfortunate part is that my workplace is so so severely short-staffed. I feel it is somewhat irresponsible, or rather a bit selfish of me to do so. I mean, I can do it if I want to because I am a casual, but at the same time, the money is good as well. I might take the wednesday off to study for my exam paper on thursday. Yeah I reckon I should just take a day off.

Aside from that, my current emotions towards work is a bit slumpish. Mainly due to the understaff and workload. Like last week on monday was a big hitter. I was meant to do my assignment presentation but at the same time there was this really huge assignment submission that came in. Something like 200+ legal ethics papers which I had to process single-handedly. Was quite awful sometimes to do everything alone by yourself. It really saps and ruins your day.

It's the little things that eats into you throughout the week. But I thank God for the recharge on Sundays :D

The blame Game.

Something more or less happened at work today. Something to do with a student assignment paper that went missing. And the lecturer's been scrambling to find it, we've been scrambling to find it, some swear words were thrown in, some people got scolded as on our tick-sheet we marked that we actually received the paper. But considering it's a huge class of 400+ students, errors do happen.

Then eventually we had to do the last thing, which was to accept defeat, and call the student inquiring whether they have submitted their essay. Which turned out they did not hand it in. It was mistakenly ticked.

Okay, mistakes do happen, I agree. But the part that got me somewhat frustrated, was not the problem itself, but rather the attitude of individuals involved when we were scrambling for solutions.

I'm talking about the blame game.

And even in the end of it, one of them was happily singing to herself "It's not my fault, it's not my fault". Sure it's probably not your fault, but nevertheless, despite circumstances, I feel, that working in a office, being a part of a organization, mistakes are unavoidable, but it is how we work as a team to rectify mistakes in a timely and efficient manner.

Playing the blame game does not help. I personally think its a piss poor attitude to simply point the finger and do nothing to help. It lacks team spirit, it is not a first class mentality, it creates an environment of distrust, disunity, hatred and does not rectify the situation. And the awful thing, is that it not only happeneds on the ground level with people of low education, but all the way to the top.

I remember my dad used to say, in work politics its the same. It's a matter of learning how to dodge bullets and build yourself up by arse-kissing the boss. I think these kind of individuals are only building their career on shakey ground. As eventually they will fall, and its going to reveal all the mess that they have all buried inside. Kinda like the story of the tell-tale-heart. The grave would spring open.

I remember someone famous, a boss said about his worker, that the worker made a $50,000 mistake. But the important question was whether the worker learned a $50,000 lesson. Which the worker actually did actually learn from his mistake, and was a extremely valuable asset to the company from then on, making many times back from the mistake that he did.

Another insight on myself?

You know what, I somewhat know this, but never really to what extent either of me I know it.

I think I'm quite hard to know at first instance. I really never knew that. Not many people can actually read me. Well, there are some. But I generally shock people. Hehe.

I'm generally super friendly when I meet new people. I'm open, and general questions like where am I from, what university, where I'm studying, on the surface level it's reasonably easy to know me. But dig any deeper, it's like a sudden wall. I don't know, I think it's probably me or something.

It takes really a long time, before knowing me, and then, bam. I think you'll know too much about me. Hehehe. It's very weird. It's not that I don't trust people or anything. I also don't really understand myself, hence I am unable to analyze it, or make any rectifications to it.

I think it's like my analogy on doors. I guard my doors very well, but once I let you in, there's suddenly a huge area, a vast place of knowing me. I think thats the best way I can describe it.

Either that, people just have a natural apprehension towards me for some reason. hoho, am I that good looking that you are all stunned? Or are you calling me stunningly ugly. Basket

To my friends who know me well, they say I am absolutely humorous, and at times insightful, I hope.. But to those who don't know me very well, i'm like quiet, very prim and proper. Which is like so far from the truth. To my friends who do know me very well, they think i'm a little kid inside this big body.

Growth, and Progress

Yup, I realised I haven't been posting on this blog for a while now.

For some strange reason, I've been occupied with other thoughts not really related to my own general wellbeing. Mostly it's to do with my other Christian based thoughts, but even then, I haven't really been spending the time to journal my thoughts on the other blog either.

I have however, been writing them down in pointers in my little bible note-book. Have to say it's been a real blessing, even just re-reading some of the stuff I've written a couple of months back, I can see the growth throughout this time period.

Something I realise I love about being in Australia, is the move away from the stagnating person I had became. Here, everything is moving, everything is always changing, not only my personality but also in my perspective on life. Which is a good thing I suppose.

Looking Back home in Malaysia, looking at the past, I fell into the trap of arrogance. Most of my thoughts surrounded things that I felt was rather... wrong. The only thing I could take in pride was my improving Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu skills. But aside from that, I felt stagnant in terms of maturity. I had gotten sucked into the blame-game for lifes circumstances, without taking into action the destiny I had in my hands.

I guess the good thing about getting a job here in Australia, would be my self-respect and the knowing, that I am able to survive irregardless of circumstance. At first I thought It could be just Australia (God bless this nation), but Its more than that, and I've come to a realization that no matter what situation, wherever I am, I have the favor of God on my side.

Looking back, had I went anyway different in my past? honestly? Yeah, I think I would have at least lived life more. It's not really the issue of money, but its the issue of pursuing after things that matters.

But the last couple of days pondering it, I realise that there is no point looking back into the past. Even God gave me a wonderful bible verse. Joel 2:25-25. Which talks about God returning the days which the Locusts have eaten. And we shall have plenty and be satisfied and praise him.

I'm glad my time over here has been an absolute positive impact into my life. It's not over, and I hope it doesn't end soon. But even if it does come in March next year, I'm going to go out with a bang, and believe that the paths ahead of me, will only be an uphill one as irregardles of circumstance. The Big guy in the sky is on my side.

I wouldn't say I've reached a certain point in my life that I could look back and say that I am full of things I need to know. But I love it that I am growing. And not staying as I am. The knowledge of Progressing in life is satisfying.

Sleep

Sleep = Overrated?

Haha. I need more sleep. Honestly I seriously do.

Its time to change your pajama's

When you got pimples on your back.

Yes, time to change. Lol.

Cutting down pc time.

Hmm. I've decided, that I want to cut down my pc-time. To use my time better. It's been a huge distraction, albeit at times a really good distraction.

I feel like I have so many things I wanted to do, but never got around doing it. Because I'm always on the computer. Either reading latest comics, chit chatting with people or forum-ing on my Christian Forum.

I'll definitely have to cut it down by a huge amount if I want to do the things I want.

Which is to

1) Learn to read and write chinese
2) Read more books
3) More Bible time!
4) Catch up with assignments and work in general

I personally think it's a great idea. I believe I got a couple of really great idea how to kill a few birds with one stone. So Cheers to me! :)

Jesus and the twelve disciples

Why did the 12 disciples followed Jesus everywhere? Because Jesus could turn water into the finest wine. :) Why else would they stick around. Hee Hee.

Home?

Have you taken a step back, think a while, and asked yourself. Where is home? Or where is home now?

I've been in Melbourne for the past 1 year now. 1 year, 1 month to be more accurate. I've lived in Malaysia a good 21 years. At the same time, Petaling Jaya feels like home, Melbourne is feeling like home.

I have this feeling of eventuality. It's somewhat in the mind of my family members, and also its kinda stuck on to me. My parents want to retire here, going back and forth to Malaysia and Melbourne. My sister is here for good. My brother and sister in law wants to raise their family in Melbourne, and eventually will be here.

John Wee? I love it here in Melbourne. Seriously I love it. I love the weather, I love the easy-going lifestyle. I love my friends. And one of the biggest pull, is I love Planetshakers. I think if it weren't for Planetshakers, I'll be more 50-50. But since Planetshakers, I seriously feel the calling to stay in Melbourne.

I'm already having dreams where I wake-up in Melbourne walking through its great gardens with flowers in my hands and a soft hand in the other, the smell of cheese, bread and other unknown untasted food in the deli as you walk through Victoria Market, the fresh cool air and wind as I walk by the Yarra River, the lights of the city at night, the jumps and cries and moments of just pure joy, peace and laughter as the shakers band cry out to God with passion, the crowd of people going to the footy screaming for their team although their just losing every match, the many sights, sounds of people of all colour and races.

Have to say. I used to miss Malaysia, or felt that I miss it a lot when I was with Nicole. But now, it seems all I mostly miss is just sitting on those shitty plastic chairs around a round crappy plastic table at Williams with Pei Biao and Eugene having a blardy huge teh-ais in hand, a very warm & oily anti-pesto that makes my heart miss a beat of every bite I take and watching Liverpool thrashing Manchester United at 2am in the morning. The heart missing a beat is not only because of Liverpool, but its but its more to do with the cholesterol in the anti-pesto having a go at my tender heart. Ha Ha. Those were good simple times.

Those times were wonderful. Malaysia is a awesome, wonderful, beautiful place. But so is Melbourne. Their different in so many beautiful aspects.

Where is Home? Where is Home? Where is Home?

Both are. Why should there be only one home?

Uncertainties of life

This is kinda a silly question, but at the same time I wonder if it actually represents me accurately. I just hate uncertainties of life. Risk is the probability of the variable outcomes. But to some extent, at least it is plausible outcomes. Have to say, my uncertainties although I dislike them, have came out mostly all good in overall circumstances only by the grace of God.

But at the same time, it's been tiring and not really a easy smooth ride. Can I say life is good? Yeah it is. Life is and has been good to me. But uncomfortable at times. Probably you can say it's been a bed of roses with thorns inclusive. But life is not meant to be comfortable, but to continually push for the breakthrough as we step into higher realms and bigger plains.

Hee Hee. I'm really spouting nonsensical abstract crap aren't I? Maybe I'm just in the abstract mode who just loves to type without meaning, especially now that I'm at lunch break at work and eating cereal for breakfast and cereal for lunch as we ran out of bread to make a sandwhich. I gave the last bread to my sister. Just appealed to me, I should prayed have broken it in two and seeing it multiply in front of my eyes. Doh!

But yeah, to recap my life in the near future the plans that seem to be laid out for me.

1)Continue Post-Grad, and pursue my Permanent residency
2)Stay back in Malaysia and work outside
3)Stay back in Malaysia and work with my brother and dad

Options 1 and 3 are ideal. And I pray that the breakthrough would come as soon as possible by the Grace of God. I think option 1 would be the best gift for me. Though I'm getting a bit tired of studying. Heehee, but I love Melbourne, I love Planetshakers, I love all my friends here to bits.

Hence, sometimes I wish there was more certainty in my life. But in all the uncertainty that I had previously that I can say since coming to Melbourne, it's all been uphill. And I believe it would continue to be uphill from here on. Why wouldn't it? God's on my side. Hehehe.

Learning to love?

My sister asks me to read this book. I personally find it interesting, and I'll be reading it soon as long as my sister gets it from her boyfriend Dave. But this is mostly the summary of it.

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

----
That the 5 love languages are,
1) Words of affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical Touch
-----

What transformer am I?

Find out which Transformer you are at LiquidGeneration!

Haha This website is hilarious! For the super bored.

Doors, Doors, Doors.

Some call it barriers, I call it doors. Just an inquisitive thought, how many doors are there to your heart? Doors deeper ina a place of access, more private information, intimacy, love less restrained.

Revelations 3:20 - Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

Come to think about it, I don't have too many doors, well I have a few, but not too many compared to most. Some doors are very well guarded, but overall to enter further into the deeper inner most areas of my heart, there aren't too many doors.

I guess sometimes I don't have a healthy appreciation for people with more doors or even less doors. And to the extent, whats inside those doors, how much its being given. Some people have a lot of doors, in that they are cautious, they give little by little, slowly opening up the doors to people at their own pace or at their own comfort level. Some people have very few doors, that once you open up one of their door, it just opens up to a free range.

I think I've never been a careful giver. Always abit too crazy and generous. But at the same time, I've always been careful who I give them to. I suppose I have less doors, open it up and there is a huge access to a lot. But I've been taking risks recently, opening up my doors and expected the risk to pay off. Did it? I don't know.

Though unfortunately getting people to open up their doors is never the answer. And banging on their door asking to OPEN UP, is most likely going to be faced with more barricades and defences. Even if there's a 'pretty please with sugar on top' added to the phrase. :P

Anyway, just thinking about doors, I started thinking about the pre-requisites, the requirements and the reasons why I let some have the keys or rather I open the door to them. Mostly it's to do with trust, that you give the key to the door. Some do it for money, some do it blindly, some give it because their lonely and need someone to step in.

It makes me wonder why I opened up my door to this wonderful person, when I've been holding it out for so long. I think it's to do with trust, and a degree of risk. A belief that there is something meaningful.


---------------
My doors? Starting from inside.

The innermost place, as if in the temple, is the Holiest of Holiest. The place of all submission, and all intimacy. Where my body, my heart, my knowledge, my secrets, my understanding is all yours. It is meant for two people. One is my God, and another should be my wife. The place I give my all within my possible means.

Go a bit out past the first door from the most inside, would be a place where I withhold no secrets, there is love unrestrained, there is deep intimacy, a place of unreasonable trust. And There is courtship, a place of preparation. I reserve this place for my girlfriend and maybe future children.

The second door, would probably be for like people like my family and really best friends or mentors in my life that I know they can be trusted and love me and want totally the best for me that their willing to do what they think is best for me went I turn.

The third door, would lead to the inner court, where good friends and wonderful friends surround me.

Then to fourth or outer court, friends, and further out acquaintances.

Hmmm Hmmm... Sounds abit mad? But think about it.

---------------
Just thinking, although some aren't quite applicable, but somewhat is as well,

I like this phrase Pastor Bill Johnson puts it, That "If you are cautious, all your friends will call you wise, but you'll never move any mountain."

The child and his toy.

I am like a child. I think sometimes the things I do is still like a child.

Okay, maybe "toy" is not a good word. But rather object of most desire. I guess for a child it would be his "toy" or his mommy.

The child have this new toy, she is beautiful, she is wonderful, she is lovely. The child just wants to play with it, just wants to continue holding it, just wants to enjoy the toy.

Take the toy away from the child. Let him play with it 1-2 hours a day. How would the child act? The child would go crazy with the toy. He would love every moment, every second of the toy. Getting to know it intimately with every second he has but when its not there, he whines, he throw fits, he throws tantrums, he acts like a child desiring the toy.

Give a man his toy. He likes his object of desire, be it BMW, Mercedes, etc. He enjoys every moment of it, he tells his friends about it, he shares, he cares for it. Take it away for 1-2 hours a day. He cherishes and enjoy every moment of it while its there. But the times when he can't be with her, he revels in the fact that it's going to be there again tomorrow morning all shiney and polished ready.

I've been trying too hard to accelerate natural order of things. Trying to know her too much. But like a child, who gets excited about all things of the toy, he eventually gets bored of it, and moves on to the next thing. Until someone else picks up the toy and the child gains interest in it again. The man, his object of desire, he knows it, it becomes his passion. He takes it slow and does not grow bored of it, but takes even greater care of it until it becomes a classic. Becomes better with age.

I think I have been a child last night. Not a man. Don't Be a child John. :o(

Life's funny without money.

30 dollars in my bank. La La La Fu Fu Fa Fa Ha ha ha

*looks in wallet*

Oh. 25 dollars in wallet. *smile*. Ho Ho Ho. Safe!

Well don't worry about me. Going to get paid on Thursday. Then have to pay off $200.00 fine and Visa. ooooo-boy. :P

Getting gifts, presents, the lot.

Hehehe, I find it quite funny, that I'm pretty awful at getting gifts for people. Especially remembering birthdays. Now that Friendster birthday thingy is down, I've totally lost touch of when everyones birthdays. So if there's anyones birthday that passed by without me wishing. Sorreh.

I don't shop enough or spend enough time and mental power in shopping. I'm a horrible shopper. I guess i'm so guy. I go into the shopping malls just when I need to get something. If not, I don't go in at all. I don't know the brands, I don't know the shops, I don't even know materials. So if you tell me something like for example "Stellar" or "cotton-on" I can't differentiate to you whether its a bag shop, a clothes shop or even a restaurant. To me it's such a waste of time to window-shop. It might be something in me that if I want something I must have. I don't know if I'm an impulsive buyer am I? Or maybe more ill-informed buyer to be more accurate.

Sooo..... I think I should start making a conscious effort to start trying harder. I remember I went shopping with Je-Yon the other day, and he was telling me about the clothes I was looking at were girls clothes. And I was like.. "Issit?" hahahaha. Oh well. I'd just have to learn I suppose. :p

I think it's partly to do with my mom doing most of my clothes shopping. I was never interested in shopping for my clothes. I think up till until like i'm in uni my mom practically dressed me! Yeah. And even after that, I barely got myself much clothes only really went shopping when I was about to go to Melbourne because I don't have enough practical clothes for a slightly colder weather. But when I bought, it's still pretty generic, either white or black. If it's white shirt, black pants or jeans, if it's black shirt, not so black pants or jeans. Thats how it goes in my head more or less. Can't go too wrong there. But then again. Lacking creativity.

I wonder like they say that clothes represents your personality. I wonder if it just means i'm just downright boring kind of guy. I think I used to dress abit more colourful when my mom dressed me. Haha. But I prefer something more boring actually. I dunno. I guess I'm more a dress for function rather than form kind of person. Hehe.

Fashion :P never really been a part of me. Probably never will. But I'll try abit harder to do something about it. Thank God I'm a guy! Hahaha. Can get away with sloppy dressing.

Oh back to presents and gifts. Yeah. So it's somewhat correlated, that I don't know what to get people most of the time. Aih. Heheh. If it isn't clothes, it's accessories or something. I think the only thing I know good at getting people is computer games. Because I'm somewhat 'in' to whats good. Either than that, yeah... hard. Plus I don't know the brands, prices and stuff. Can always get cheated for paying for stuff more than their worth or when you can get the same thing from a cheaper stall next door. Heheh.

Must start window-shopping and get the aunty-shopping power!

This week of madness.

This week seems never-ending. And now that it's friday, finally feeling a big sigh of relief to be honest.

Monday - Course materials, selling it like mad. Hardly any time to sit down, just been running around selling that crap. Plus I slept 3 hours the night before. Then worked from 9am-5pm. After that Class from 5:30pm to 8:30pm and then meeting up with my Urban Life to start planning for stuff. Finally got home about 11:30pm ish

Tuesday - Work half day, and finally had an afternoon nap for a bit. Didn't talk too long I think. But it was pretty good.

Wednesday - Worked Full day 9-5pm, then got home and chit chat with Nicole till 4am

Thursday - Woke up at 6am, went to Victoria Market with the urban life guys for steam boat. Had class from 11:30am. But cut half-way about 1:00. Was too sleepy, needed some fresh air. Went home for a bit and got my stuff to go to Derek's apartment. Then at night had our steam-boat Urban Life! Yay. It was great. But I was kinda 'out' of it.

So now, going to sleep soon. Heheh. Thank God tomorrow I'm not working. I'm just going to rest and enjoy the weekend.

Haven't been blogging

Just appealed to me, that I haven't been blogging.

Well, been really really busy lately. And all my quiet time for myself has either been consumed talking to Nicole or spending time with God. Hehe. Hence, I haven't been catching up on my reading and stuff. But I think it's all good somewhat.

It's quite disturbing yet strange. I feel as if I haven't really started nor ended my last semester and this semester. I'm working 20 hours, monday and wednesday full days, and tuesdays half day. Then classes monday nights and thursday mornings.

Aih, I feel like I could somewhat use a holiday. Like a long long holiday without doing anything, just refresh and get myself back on track as my life somewhat spins around. There is things need doing, but I haven't gotten to it. I have been loosing too much sleep and I dunno.. Hopefully I can get use to the regime of this semester asap. Week 2 is ending soon, with another 12 more to go, don't know how this semester's going to turn out. :P

I think it's the mornings waking up in the cold and dark days have had affect on my mental health. I'm happy but at the same time extra-melancholic. I don't want the day to ever end, especially when I talk endless nights with Nicole, but I hate waking up to the new morning at 7am to drag myself to work, and force myself to be nice to people just to get paid.

The money is good, no doubt, I thank God everyday for my job. I guess I'm just being a kid concerning my situation. God has already blessed me tremendously and will be blessing me many times over in the very near future. At the moment right now, I just have to be patient and wait on him to deliver me.

The fundamentalist delusion

I kinda like this article, written by Barney Zwartz, religious editor of the Age newspapers.

The Fundamentalist Delusion

I personally think the religion vs atheism debate is going out of hand. There should be a cry for moderation rather than arguing each other from fundamentalist points of views.

Good article.

Paris Hilton released!

Lol, to be honest, I've never really followed Paris Hilton, her life or anything either than just some of the news abhorring her and her lifestyle for quite a while now. I think I've only seen one episode of her series, the simple life. Sad to say, I think I'm one of the few guys who's never even seen her sex tape. :(

The only time I've ever took notice is when she was sentenced to jail. Well some mocked, some laughed, some pitied, I for once finally had a sense of curiosity, as to whats going to happen to her since she's finally getting eat a humble pie.

To be stripped down to nothing. No money, no reputation, nothing. And then she said she reformed. Is this the end of Paris Hilton? Seriously, is this the end of the Paris Hilton that we know of? Her wild drunken and senseless days?




I think everyone needs to take a bite out of the humble pie once in a while. I wonder whether she would be a new model for the kids who used to emulate her. In the first place, do people even emulate her? She seems to have quite a lot of fans. I thought at first it was just desperate guys, but apparently girls as well admire the 'high' life. Weirdness. :P Just goes to show the different types of people in this world.

Could for once in her life actually do more good than harm? Will she finally have the last laugh?

Hi There

Hi There, here is my.. umm.. 5th Blog I think. I decided to move from Friendster's blog as it kinda sucks. Not allowing me to change the HTML and posting streams and stuff. So kinda pissed off about it. So because of that, yeah, here will be my new blog for my thoughts and stuff.